I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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