I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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