I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
