one two three fourrrrnication!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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