There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
