Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
a search helicopter?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
