my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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