I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
