Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
