im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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