God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
