I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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