Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
