Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Send help, water and tortillas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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