She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize