He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
