Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
