Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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