Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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