He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
