yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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