Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
