i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
