I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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