If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
