that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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