i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
