do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
