Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we're making bets on your personal life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So here I am, sexting at work.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
