Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
