Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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