the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Vodka?
Forever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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