i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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