: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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