My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
