I CAN MOONWALK!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
