Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Terrible idea I love it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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