i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
