Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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