So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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