my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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