How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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