i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
