Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This couple is walking their pig around campus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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