Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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