You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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