who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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