you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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