You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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