hotel room ftw
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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