filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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