i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
