So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
