HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
