Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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