I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
