Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
