Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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