I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
