well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
