my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
